I graduated from nursing school 40 days ago. After graduation I took two full weeks off and then began studying for the NCLEX. I took the NCLEX on Jan. 15 and cried all the way home afterwards. Then I found out I passed!! Everything has fallen together nicely....letting me know that for sure I am on the right path. The job outlook/hunt for new graduate nurses is terrible right now. Most new graduates are finding jobs 6 months to a year after graduating, I filled out one application with my resume, shadowed on the unit I was most interested in, and interviewed right after shadowing...the job offer came two days later. The entire process took a week! I start the new job Feb. 11 and I can't wait.

The job is a perfect match for me. I will be working on the medical behavioral health unit. There are very few of these unit in the entire country...less than 10. The unit is primarily a med unit but a requirement of being admitted to this unit is a current psych diagnosis...and it is a locked unit. So basically, this unit gets patients whom have just had an appendectomy and also are schizophrenic, or have a COPD exacerbation and are bipolar, or intentionally OD'd and need to be medically cleared before going to a regular psych unit.  You get the idea. 

I am very excited.

This is the medical center where I am.  Included in the medical center is the school of nursing, school of medicine, and school of dentistry...as well as every kind of inpatient unit you can think of, a burn trauma center, a cancer center, the eye institute, children's hospital, and outpatient services ranging from psych to basic primary care preventative services. Thousands of employees, auxiliary people, patients, students...yet I feel like the next picture....

 

Lonely. Detached. Homesick.

I have D and the kitties here with me, but that is all.  I have facebook, but its pretty impossible for my friends to just pick up and come over to hang out when I post on facebook.  I've made good connections with people (faculty) in the school of nursing, and possibly a couple in the hospital.  I have many people in my class that I can count on for anything school/nursing related.  I have a couple people in my class that I can count on for non-school/nursing related things.  I've made one good friend. It is the last part that is the hardest for me. I don't have any easy time making friends, but I need them.  I have two really good friends where I used to live.  I have Raine. I know these people are still there, but that is kind of the point...they are THERE...not HERE. I can't call up one of them and say "come over tonight"...its not possible for them to do so.  Even with Raine this was possible, though improbable.  Being only 3 hours away by train made it possible.  

I am missing some old professors too.  I had gotten to a point with some of them where if I was having a hard time I could stop by their offices and "hang out" for a bit.  I miss doing that.  I don't feel like I can do that now because one of the things that is required in nursing school (and for licensing) is being "of sound mind".  While some professors seem to indicate that they feel this is ridiculous and that being overwhelmed or stressed also does not indicate not being able to be a nurse, it is still a risk I don't want to take.

I miss my therapist. I miss having that 50 minutes once a week where I can go and talk about whatever.  Right now I would like to talk about how I am struggling to write a 1 -2 page paper on emotional intelligence...a really hard topic for me.  I can talk to D about it, but she doesn't completely "get it".  In therapy I would be able to talk about it and the feed back would help me clarify my thoughts and get them on paper.  I can't formulate the words to explain how difficult this is for me to do without someone to hear my thoughts. I would also like to talk about my oldest brother/cousin.  On the first day of the second week of pediatrics clinical my sister/cousin called at 7 am to let me know that my brother had died during the night.  It was sudden and unexpected.  The profound sense of loss that I had before reconnecting with him is back and with me all the time.  I ache at the unfairness of having him taken from me after having already lost 37 years of knowing him. Some days I struggle to maintain my composure, which is really new for me.  In the past I would hurt and keep it inside...prior to that I wouldn't hurt, the hurt would start and then be gone, or I would be gone...Either way, no one would have any idea that there was anything going on for me. I understand that having feelings is normal and in some way good, but I don't like it!

Sera

For those that are still readin and know bout it...theres a post on the other place.

L

Long awaited (maybe!) news...

So...been awhile! Things got real hectic, real fast! I was admitted to the nursing program off the wait list. I found out a little before thanksgiving and then had a mountain of stuff to do, including move across country...all by Jan 17.

I got it all done and have been in New York since Jan 6...have been going to school for a week. Class are intense but interesting. Instructors are engaging, fun, and brilliant (many research awards, teaching awards, new procedures, and publications ( including our pharm textbook) among the instructors. My cohort is extremely diverse and already tight. The medical center is huge and a little scary but I found the cafeteria, bank, and post office...yes...all 3 of those are IN the hospital !

More when I find time.

Sera

Fraud "proven"...again.

Shirley Ardell Mason was born Jan. 25, 1923. She grew up in a small town in Minnesota. In the early 1950's she was a substitute teacher and a graduate student studying art at Columbia University. She lived in West Virginia for a while, then settled in Lexington, Kentucky where she taught art at the local community college and ran an art gallery out of her home.Shirley never married, never had any children, and she had severed all ties with her family decades before her death. In the late 1980's and early 1990's, Shirley lived with and cared for Dr. Cornelia Wilbur, who died in Lexington in 1992. She died in Lexington Feb. 26. 1998 from breast cancer; she was 75 years old.

Shirley Ardell Mason was "Sybil Isabel Dorsett", made famous by the book, "Sybil" by Flora Rheta Schrieber and the movie of the same name starring Sally Field and Joanne Woodward. The name Sybil was used to allow for Shirley to remain anonymous, though it has been reported that when the movie came out, several people from Shirley's home town recognized her and her mother.

Recently a book called "Sybil Exposed" by Debbie Nathan has hit the bookstores. Several people have posted about it on blogs, and there are ongoing discussions in online psych communities (both for those with dissociative disorders, and general psych). In this book Nathan "proves" "Sybil" to be a fake. Nathan asserts that Mason and Dr. Wilbur intentionally colluded to perpetrate fraud in order to make money. Nathan also claims that Dr. Wilbur wanted to see multiple personalities, so Mason created them during therapy in order to keep Dr. Wilbur's attention. In short, Mason manipulated Dr. Wilbur...the claim is also made that Dr. Wilbur planted the idea or actually created the alters while having Mason under sodium pentathol or hypnosis, or both. So which is it? They knowingly created a fraud, or the doctor was manipulated, or the doctor created it...either they both knew, or one of them knew or it was real...it can't be all of the above as suggested in the book!

I have other issues with this, as follows....

1. Debbie Nathan is an American journalist. American media is well-known for not giving all the facts and skewing the ones they do give in order to show whatever it is they want to be seen by the lay public. As a journalist, I don't believe Nathan to be qualified to or even ethical in asserting such an opinion. A journalist's job is to report the facts and let others form their own opinions. Nathan is neither a Psychologist nor a Psychiatrist, the only professionals qualified to make a diagnosis of Dissociative Identity Disorder (multiple personalities); it logically follows that only a Psychologist or Psychiatrist would be qualified to DENY said diagnosis.
   
2. Nathan is a board member of the N*tion*l C*nter for Re*son and J*st*ce (spoiled to foil search engines, I hope). This organization is a non-profit who's express purpose is to help people who are falsely accused of harming children. Nathan was the first to write about the "ritual abuse panic" of the 1980's and her writing helped free some people who were convicted. Seems to me that Nathan has a vested interest here. "Proving" the most famous case of child abuse to be false would certainly do wonders to further her cause.
   
3. This is not the first time "Sybil" has been "proven" to be a fake. During her treatment, Mason saw Dr. Herbert Spiegel while Wilbur was on vacation. Dr. Spiegel claimed Mason showed no signs of multiple personalities. My thinking is "Duh!"...of course she didn't! Mason didn't know this doctor, she had no trust established, and no reason to believe that anything really needed to be established since Wilbur would return from vacation. In 1998, psychologist Robert Rieber challenged Mason's diagnosis claiming that Wilbur manipulated Mason. Neither of these claims of fraud stuck...why should they now?
   
4. A well-known letter that Mason wrote to Wilbur is being used to claim that Mason herself acknowledged being a fake. In the letter, Mason does in fact say the alters are not real, she made them all up, etc. This however, is a very common protective/coping technique (for lack of a better word) that those with multiple personalities use when things get scary. I myself have done this...I didn't write a letter, but deny the existence of the others regardless of the evidence in front of me...oh yes, I did that! As did many other people diagnosed with multiple personalities that I "know" through online forums. This letter was also published in entirety in the book by Schreiber, and this denial is portrayed in a different fashion in the movie. The letter proves nothing.
   
5. My biggest issue is the question "why?". Why does it matter whether or not Mason was real? Why now? Why back in '98? Mason died in early '98, she can't defend herself. Wilbur and Schreiber are both dead. None of the people truly involved in the case are around to say anything about this. Wilbur's records were destroyed, there are "some notes" from Schreiber's archives...how can anything be proven without examining the patient?
   

I suppose I could ask myself why I care, as well. I guess it's because of all the times I've heard "no one will believe you". Shirley Ardell Mason survived a terrible childhood by using an ingenious coping mechanism. She sought treatment, became well, lived her life quietly, sought no justice, named no names publicly....and people keep trying to make sure the whole world doesn't believe her.

~sera

I guess it is time for an update. I am not really sure why it is time, since blogging seems to be disappearing. Of my admittedly small blogroll, only two are posting with any consistency, and one other has recently updated. My tracker shows that in the last week only two people beside myself have visited this blog, though I am aware that there is one other person that can check if there is a new post without actually coming to the blog...however, I can simply talk to that person face-to-face. It's a bit of a vicious cycle...people don't come read, that makes me feel less inclined to post, which makes people less inclined to come read...not sure what the solution to that is, if there is a solution.

Well...the update. I have good news and I have bad/sad news.

First the bad/sad because I would rather end on an up note. Our elderly (16 years) kitty whom has had fairly serious health concerns over the last several years (heart murmur and borderline hyperthyroid dx'd 6 or 7 years ago, clearly arthritic the last 2-3 years) is dying. She is really D's kitty, and doesn't like me all that much, but I have been nursing and comforting her since Thursday because D is out of town until Sunday night. This involves giving her a natural pain med that a relative that is a vet tech recommended, mixing wet food with warm water to make it a gravy (and stinky) to encourage her to eat, standing guard at the same time so the younger two boys don't push her out of the way and take her food, carrying her back and forth to the water bowl and litter box trying to get her to use both, and checking every few minutes to make sure she is still breathing. *phew* She will barely eat a tiny bit, she barely drinks, I haven't seen her use the litter box since Thursday night, and she isn't grooming herself. I am basically just trying to keep her comfortable until D gets home tomorrow evening and is able to make a decision. Really, the decision was made a long time ago (if blah blah, then blah), and D is completely aware of the situation...I need her to be able to say good bye.

And...the good news. The interview went well. It felt like a 10-15 minute conversation, but when I hung up the phone, I realized it had been 40 minutes. I took that as a good sign...not the actual length, which I hear is about average, but the fact that it didn't feel long at all. To me that means there wasn't any awkward silences, stumbly responses, but rather a flowing conversation. On Monday I got a letter from them, not a thin one, but also not the fat one I was hoping for, it was clearly more than one page. The letter was to inform me that I was being offered a spot on the wait list for January, with an option to be reconsidered for May if no spot opened for January. There was a form to return to indicate if I wanted to be on the wait list or not and an envelope to return it (by Oct. 7). I filled out the form and mailed it at the post office before 8 am the next morning...and yes, I indicated I want to be on the wait list. I am hoping that my early response gets me a spot near the top of the wait list! So I am waiting by the phone, hence the picture. I really, really, really want to go to this school! Meanwhile I am preparing to start a CNA program at the local community college, and I have an offer of a job after the CNA (not as a CNA), if I don't get in for January. The job would be with my sis-in-law who is the clinical director in a sleep lab. I have been looking into the "ticket to work" program through SSDI. I would have to go talk to them when/if the time comes, but it appears that under the program, if I make more than $700 a month, I can continue to receive full benefits and collect pay checks, for 9 months. If I go past 9 months, then I get partial benefits (keep Medicare if needed) but if I am not able to work after benefits are reduced, then I get expedited reinstatement of benefits. It seems good, or at least worth a try if I am waiting to get into a program. At the very least, it would give me an opportunity to get some money put away for school or to pay down some of the student loan debt I already have!

~Sera

I have an interview!! It will be a phone interview with undergrad nursing faculty at "Small-medium Sized Prestigious East Coast School" (above). I am intentionally not naming the school, due to anonymity issues...google finds all. :P Anyways...I am seriously excited, and nervous, and excited, and terrified, and excited! Mostly excited, as you can see.

For any who wonder, email me and I will tell you the school. Dr. Deb...you can probably figure it out pretty quickly. It's in your state, almost as far north as you can get and still be in the U.S. (note what appears to be a large body of water (a really great lake?!? ;) ) on the horizon in the picture. :D

Sera

Major Irritation/frustration

Here's the latest update on the nursing grad school front....

Apparently nursing schools (and existing nurses) don't think anyone with any kind of psych issue currently or in the past should be allowed to become a nurse. Since I had a crappy childhood filled with emotional, psychological, and physical abuse, I am not capable of caring for people in a medical setting of any kind. It does not matter that I have spent years improving my own mental health and dealing with this past. It does not matter that I am a nearly straight A student now. It does not matter that I have completed all the pre-reqs and even taught some of them now. All that matters is that I *may* be unstable because more than 20 years ago my parents beat me! What a bunch of BS.

Also...I better not show up in anyone's ER with an anxiety issue either, because apparently that makes me the equivalent of an "obese drug seeker with fibromyalgia"...the other three biggest ER irritations. *sigh* Someone remind me why I want to work in the medical field?

About smoking...

Go check out this post by Raine, and add your 2 1/2 cents!

2010: Year in Review

This past year was rather interesting when I looked back through posts.

January began with a new addition to our family...Bags, an adult female kitty. She has turned out to be a very sweet kitty with a bit of grumpiness. She doesn't like the two boys, AT ALL. She growls and grumbles if they get too close to her...too close means she can see them! This grumbling will continue all day ...it's kind of funny really. Of course the boys get excited and want to play (chase) her when she growls, so it ends up being a self-replicating cycle. Other than that issue, Bags has settled in.

Also in January I began the second-to-last semester of undergrad. I believed it would be an easy semester and I was mostly right. Being a TA for an intensive science class with a lab was not easy! By March I was exhausted from all the work involved...not physically challenging work in any way...mentally challenging. The biggest challenge was dealing with a group of students that were younger on average than usual for the class. The reason for this is that due to the budget crisis in CA, the class was not going to be offered. When an increase in funding was given to CA public Universities, the class was immediately added to the schedule as it is a pre-req class for many health occupation programs. Unfortunately registration had already begun and juniors and seniors had both already completed both passes at registration...leaving only freshmen and sophomores able to register for the class...in fact...mostly freshman managed to get the class. So the class went from normal/average age of early to mid 20's down to 18. There is a huge difference no matter how many people (usual themselves 18) think otherwise! I spent much of my teaching time listening to whining and complaining, explaining why I would not give answers to lab exercise questions, and repeating at least 3 times a day that flip-flops were not allowed in the lab. Frustrating and tiring.

Prior to the start of the semester, I received a Happy Birthday wish on my facebook page. The wish came from a second cousin that I had seen a couple times (twice, literally) between the ages of 3 1/2 to 41. I had also believed, due to my mother's (intentional?) vagueness, that from an infant to 3 1/2 I had spent "some" time with her because my Great Aunt (her mother) took care of me " a little". The birthday wish sent a ripple of unnamed and unrecognized but painful feelings through me and the system...a bit odd considering I barely knew this person. The birthday wish also started an email dialogue between her and myself, and then between her eldest brother and myself. Turns out that taking care of me "a little' was actually I lived with them (and my mother) the first 4 months of my life, my mother moved out with me when I was 4 months, then at 6 months she dropped me off for a weekend visit that lasted 3 years, with no contact from her. One day when I was 3 1/2 she called up and said she would be there to pick me up in an hour, and then I didn't see them again aside from one visit when I was about 10 (for a couple hours, only the great Aunt and female cousin were there), and at the great Aunt's funeral when I was 27. Suddenly things began to fall in place and make sense. I spent my childhood waiting for my "real family" to come get me because there actually was another family that I spent my most important formative years with. I always felt like there were siblings missing from my life because I had 3 older "brothers" and an older "sister"...I wasn't wishing to have them...I DID have them, and I was taken from them. The reason I completely fell apart at my Great Aunt's funeral even though I hardly even knew her, was because she was "mommy". This was the person I had bonded with in early childhood, and this was the person that kept me safe during those important years. It's interesting to me that alter ages correspond with these events. We have an infant (around 6 months, possibly younger) and then there is a gap of no additional alters until about 3 1/2. At 3 1/2 - 4 there are MANY alters, but another important event within the system happened around that time also; the "original" went to sleep...she woke up this past year. Since January I have been developing a relationship with these lost siblings. It has been painful, and wonderful. In August we had a family reunion where I was reunited in person with all 4 of them, their spouses, and their children. I have 8 nieces and nephews ranging from 12-34 years old. One of my nieces is expecting her first child ( a girl) around Valentines day.

My partner informed me last spring that I should go ahead and apply wherever I wanted, she would move with me for grad school. This hugely opened up possibilities and widened my search for programs. After August, I began preparing applications for graduate school in nursing. I submitted three apps between October and December, with several more to submit through the coming spring. I am applying mostly on the East Coast, with one "Southern" school (Vandy in Tenn). The application process is grueling. I almost wish I was applying to some other type of program because I hear from people who have applied to others that they write one personal statement, and basically just change it a tiny bit for each app. My apps all require different essays! There are specif, different questions that each school wants answered. Very frustrating. Also...exactly how do I make myself stand out in 200 words!?! BLAH.

In September I decided to clean-up this blog, and at the same time, an issue regarding a 3d friend. The friend suddenly stopped answering emails, deleted her blog, canceled her cell phone, and stopped visiting our blog as well as others she regularly frequented. This was someone very important to the system as a whole, and individually. The really bad thing is that she had done this type of thing before...to make a long story short, I decided that this was her third strike...she's out. I can't have someone in my life that can do the kind of damage she did...especially when it is repeatedly done! Each time she did this, after a while, she would come back. We would work whatever the issue was out, and promises were made...only to be broken again. Note to anyone reading who does not get this...DO NOT promise someone that believes everyone will eventually leave that you will not, then leave! This is very, very bad! :P So anyway...its been well over a year and I do not think she will try to come back, but if by some weird chance she does, that bridge has burned...in fact, not even a charred skeleton remains.

The end of the year proved very stressful with school stuff being the primary cause of stress. My senior thesis being the biggest one of the school "issues" I had to deal with. I had several stress related physical issues...head aches, back pain, an almost panic attack (accomplishment...it was "almost") related to back pain, but I managed. I got everything in on time, I did two major presentations, I completed my research and then my paper, I made it to all my finals. I got 3 A's, and a B+. So now I have completed my BA, and I await grad school decisions.

I guess that is it for now!

Sera

Though it is not yet official, I am done with my B.A. I wait for grades to post, then it will be official. I am a little bit in shock I think. It wasn't all that long ago that I couldn't get myself to actually attend class and would just stop going...sometimes remembering to drop and sometimes not. It's been even less time since I managed to attend and even finish some of the work and get mediocre grades, and less still since things clicked and I went, did the work, and got good grades. Now I am done with my B.A. and working on getting into grad school. I once thought it would be all I could do to get a certificate in something. Huge difference.

Sera

Another original title :P

I thought I would make an update...or make excuses for not updating...something along those lines.

School is crazy hard right now. I have so little time to be online doing anything "fun", it's just not funny. The scary/sad part is that I think this is only a preview of things to come! I have gotten one grad school application in, am working on three more. When I get into grad school, it will be into an accelerated program for the first year, and then "regular" grad school pace for two-three years after that. I'm afraid my updates my turn out to be instead of every few months, every few years!

Right now I am taking two upper division classes, one lower division class, TA for Microbiology, and doing these grad applications. It sounds like a lot, but it doesn't sound like as much as it actually is. The lower division class is Art History-Renaissance to present with Asian art also. I absolutely love the class, I am learning so much cool stuff, and it really fits with Sociology (my major). Instead of simply learning who did what when (art appreciation) we are learning who did what when, why, and what cultural factors contributed, and why. Nice. But it's hard to keep up on the homework...very hard. We have homework due every Friday online, by 11:59 pm. The problem is that Friday is the only day I have to schedule anything at all that isn't related to school, and it's also the only day to fit that homework in since it's online! I thought of doing the assignments on the weekend, ahead of when they are due, but that doesn't work because I need the class lectures we haven't had yet in order to complete them. *sigh*

Here is how my week goes...Monday get to campus at 730 and meet with Sociology major friend for 15 minutes then go open the Microbiology lab for students from 8-930, go to art hist from10-12, eat ( a must), go to my own upper division Biology lab from 1-345, Bio lecture from 4-515, go home. Tuesday TA in actual Micro lab class from 925-12, run (literally) downstairs for my Bio colloquium lecture series from 12-1, this used to be the end of my day but starting next Tuesday I will then have T at 3. Wednesday is a repeat of Monday except from 1-330 I run Micro lab for students instead of attend my own lab. Thursday is nightmare day! TA Micro from 925-1215, appointment on campus 1-2, used to have T from 3-4 but changing to Tuesday, pick-up partner from work and take her home at 5, rush back to campus for Senior Seminar 6-950 (yes, pm). Keep in mind, my campus is in one town, my home, T, and partner's work are in another! Meanwhile I am doing my senior thesis. It's a Sociological study using my own topic and research, meaning I have to find time to do my research, write up notes, code, and begin figuring out what it all means. So yeah...I am overwhelmed.

I am finding little time to get to others' blogs, let alone do anything with mine. However, I do read all those on my list, usually very early in the morning while procrastinating. Just wanted to let you all know...I do read, though I rarely comment. I am still around, just not in the way I used to be. (aspects of that could be another post completely! Maybe in a few days I can fit that in).

Sera

A Little Clean-up...Literally and Figuratively

I deleted a handful of blogs. Some of them are people who haven't posted in over a year, one deleted her blog but I still had a link, one went private and I didn't get an invitation, one has a weird issue where I get an "attack site" warning...a couple others, I just don't read anymore and they don't visit here. So off they all went. That's the literal clean-up.

Figurative clean-up....I've posted before about a dear friend that just up and disappeared. Deleted blog, stopped answering emails, stopped visiting here, and stopped visiting others she used to also be friends with. Honestly, I wondered if she had an accident or had been hospitalized. Not knowing was pretty hard. I suppose I should have had a little warning; she DID delete her blog, though that happened at the same time as everything else. She also stopped her cell phone service...or at least, that is what she said when I asked if she got my text a couple weeks before her disappearance. I now think she may have changed numbers, not completely canceled service.

It's been right around a year since I've heard anything from her. While I still wondered what happened, and feared the worst, I had pretty much let it go. I wasn't angry, I wasn't terribly hurt (maybe numb? That's a T topic. ), and I actually would go several weeks without wondering about her.

A couple weeks ago Raine found her name, bio, and picture on a website by doing a google search. This is something I have done as well, looking for any kind of news (accident?), as recently as July, and I didn't get any hits, so it's a fairly new thing. So...there she is...apparently well, working in her chosen field. She seems to have decided to delete a major portion of her life...some of us were actual, "real-life" friends, others were "blog friends", but no less real.

It's sad really...sad for her. I'm not sad, and I'm not surprised...there was a history of this type of thing with us, it usually only lasted a couple months, and it was never everyone...just us in this body...but there was a history. The people she deleted may all be very busy, and living their own lives, but we are here. I can't speak for everyone, but I bet Raine and K would have understood minimal contact due to business...they do with me, and I with them. I also bet that J and L would understand it, too. I wonder of someday she will realize what a terrible mistake she made.

So...yeah...I'm not sad. I might be angry though.

S

Another post...finally

This is the view of Cannon Beach, Oregon, from the balcony of a third floor room. This is looking north, the one below is looking southwest.



Some of you might find the beach familiar...especially the part with the big rock (Haystack Rock). The movie "The Goonies" was filmed in Cannon Beach and Astoria, Oregon. The last scene of the movie shows this rock with a giant pirate ship sailing out from it. The picture above was actually taken at low tide...if you look at the sand, there is a stripe of darker colored sand...that is the water line for high tide. We spent four days in Cannon Beach, and two and a half days in Astoria.

D's nephew and his partner live in Astoria, in a house they bought about five years ago, that they are working on remodeling/restoring. The house is really cool. It is tall and narrow (most houses there are...makes it easier to get a view of the Columbia river from your house). What is really cool about the place is that it was split into two apartments at some point. So the upstairs has a full kitchen, and the first floor has a full kitchen. The guys are talking about turning the upstairs kitchen into a "media room", because it is a rather dark room, and you would not have to go through it to get to any other room in the house.

Astoria was really cool. We spent a lot of time walking around the downtown area and the river walk on the first day...in the rain! On the second day, the nephew and his partner took us over the bridge to Washington (directly across the river). We drove past "Dismal Nitch" and went to "Cape Disappointment"...yes, those are the real names of these places!

So...after two and a half days we headed off to Cannon Beach. This was the location of the family reunion...for the part of the family that I lived with as an infant and toddler, but was removed from. It was incredible! Within ten minutes of arriving, I felt like an integral part of the family...a part that had always been there, and belonged. What was really interesting to me is that the only times that felt strange were times when I asked a question or someone asked a question of me, that people who grew up together would not need to ask. These times felt foreign to me, not the spending time together otherwise. I recall as a child, and later as well, wishing for a big sister that I could confide in and spend time with...I recall wishing for a big brother to protect me. What is most amazing to me is that I have a big sister, and I have THREE big brothers...and they fell right into those rolls that I had wished for. Obviously I don't really need a big brother-protector now, but I have three anyway...while they didn't do any "actual protecting", the feeling was definitely there. As for the sister...we've been talking and confiding by email for months prior to the reunion, it's been wonderful. There are tentative plans for another reunion in two years, at which time I will have a great niece or nephew in addition to the eight nieces and nephews I met at this reunion (one announced she is expecting). There are also plans for me to go stay with the sister when I (hopefully) go to the east coast for grad school interviews. If I don't get any interviews, or if the schools decide on phone interviews, then D thinks I should go stay with her for a few days anyway. So it looks like I may visit in January of next year.

The last semester of my undergrad started three days ago. I have a pretty tough schedule, but I think it is going to be good. I am taking Art History (lower division GE that I somehow missed early on), Upper division Plant Biology, Senior Seminar (capstone Sociology research project), Biology Colloquium (weekly lectures by bio professionals), and I am TA for microbiology again. That's 16 units. In addition to this, I may be taking an online "Lifespan Psych" course, because it is a pre-req for several programs I am looking at, but is not offered anywhere near me. My graduation date is December 2010, and I will walk May 2010 (cumme Laude if I do as well this semester as I have in past semesters). I am feeling really ready to be done and moving on with my education and life....grad school here I come!

S

My Life, as it is, Currently

The adorable ducklings managed to grow up while I was busy writing papers. When I finally made it back to "the lakes" on campus, they were all nearly adult looking...too late for more cute pictures.

For the last couple weeks I have been working-out with my sister-in-law three days a week in the mornings. We use the treadmills, then lift weights, then hit the treadmills again, then go out to the pool. It's amazing how quickly a long work-out goes by when there is someone doing it with you!

I am still researching graduate programs. I need to write a statement of purpose for some, and a personal statement for others. Some have essay topics that will be provided when the application period opens. I'm a bit lost...I don't have any idea how to write the first two!

I am also waiting to hear from one of my Professors...so I can start doing research assistant work for her. I should hear any day on this, and I am a bit impatient and excited! I will be able to do the work at home, and it will be paid.

I am going to a the family reunion in just over 1 month. I have a whole mixture of feelings about this. To recap...I will be seeing second cousins and their families, some of whom I saw once 12 years ago, some I haven't seen since I was about 4 years old, and some I've never met at all. What makes this particularly special and emotional is that the 4 second cousins consider me their baby sister, and their children consider me their Aunt. Long story...it's in older posts. My feelings are mostly very good...I am, however, a little nervous...mostly about a very young part that has recently awoken and knows nothing about our life after we were removed from the cousins home.

So...that's it...my life in a nutshell!

S

This and That, plus a picture for Amy Pink

This is a picture of the newest members of the residential community at my University...there are 10 ducklings! They are adorable. Unfortunately the picture is pretty small...I took it with my phone. I can't seem to get it bigger without making it hugely blurry. Amy Pink: When I go back to school next week I will take my real camera and see if I can get a better picture!

Spring break is almost over...I feel like I haven't gotten nearly enough done, but there's not much I can do to change that. There is five weeks of school left...not enough time!

I am researching Graduate school possibilities. I spoke with one of my Sociology Professors about developing a "plan B" since MANY qualified students are not getting into nursing schools. She suggested a Master's in Public Health...I like it! I went and discussed it with my Sociology adviser, and she likes it too. So I am looking at both MSN programs and MPH programs. My partner informed me about a month ago that she is prepared to move to wherever I want to go...so I am looking at programs all over the U.S. I've been getting emails from different programs inviting me to visit their campus and/or apply to their programs...this is really cool. It's a little overwhelming though...I have gotten emails from some schools I've never heard of, some schools in California, and some very prestigious schools. Georgetown and Harvard have sent me an email inviting me to look at their websites. U. of Pennsylvania has sent two emails, one inviting me to apply, and one inviting me to visit on May 1st (no way I can do that). And then there's another school...Yale has sent me four emails...FOUR!! Two invites to visit, one look at our website and pay special attention to our MSN/MPH dual degree (!), and one we'd love to hear from you soon (!). I'm actually beginning to believe that an Ivy League education may not be a far fetched idea!

Getting to know my long lost relatives is going well I think. I'll give the short version of the story so everyone understands how monumental this is...

As an infant my mother left me with her Aunt for a weekend visit, she then didn't return at the end of the weekend. The weekend stretched into three years. One day my mother called and said she would be there in an hour to get me. My Great Aunt had four kids of her own, three boys and a girl...they all considered me their baby sister. I went for one visit less than a year after going with my mother...then I saw none of them until one short (a couple hours) visit when I was around 10 years old, at which time I only saw the Great Aunt and the female cousin (the only one still living at home). I never saw them again until '98, at the great Aunts funeral...the oldest cousin was not there. I have not seen them since. Until very recently I didn't know the truth of this situation...my mother had really only told me that ""N" took care of me for a while". No explanation, no indication of how long, nothing.

So now I know the truth...and I am developing a relationship with my cousins who are really more like siblings. I have suddenly acquired four nieces and four nephews, most of whom are grown, in college and/or married...Three I have never even met (five were at the funeral). One I've not met referred to me as "Aunt *****" on facebook a couple weeks ago...which made me feel very happy, and very sad, at the same time.

I want to add...this family was safe. While I don't remember anything about my time with them, I felt an intense bond when I saw them in '98...before ever knowing the truth. Also, I know there is one inside that is an infant, then there is a gap and the next youngest inside are 3-4 years old. This coincides with my time with them, and indicates to me that there was no splitting during that time.

I will be seeing them all (except the Great Aunt and Uncle who are both deceased) in August...and I can't wait!

S

This semester is not as easy as I thought it would be. My classes are fine, easy even...but the Microbiology TA position is kicking mu butt!! I am so tired every week. I just about get back to normal and the week starts again, and I'm back to "running the lab".

In other news, I will be graduating in December...walking Spring '11. I have no idea what I am doing about grad school...my possibilities have suddenly opened wide, so I have a lot of researching and planning to do.

That's all for now.

S

Comment Moderation

I have set this blog to moderate comments for now. There have been several anonymous comments that have porn links inbeded in them...and that is really not okay with me!

This and That

This is Bagheera (think Jungle Book for pronunciation). "Bags" joined our family 7 days ago. A co-worker of D's had to move and could not keep her. She is about 3 years old, solid black with not even a spot of another color anywhere. Her eyes are in fact yellow, not gold, but yellow. She is also pretty big...17 lbs. While she looks like a big meanie, she is a very sweet girl. She follows me from room to room, joins me when I go to bed taking a spot near my feet since by my chest is Baby Boy's spot (no "discussion" about that, she just did it), and she loves belly rubs!

The only problem we seem to have is she doesn't like the treats we give the other kitties, she likes HERS (a different brand). That is easily dealt with though.




In other news, school starts tomorrow. I have 15 units, but I actually think it s going to be an easier semester. I have 8 units (two classes) of Sociology electives, 4 units of lower division Biology (last lower division Bio!), and 3 units of Biology Practicum (TA for Microbiology). The practicum is an easy A...help in lab, grade lab practicals and lab exercises, run open labs (around my schedule, not their's), and run study reviews if the students want them (my schedule again). The lower division Bio is gong to be a LOT of review, and taught by my Bio adviser...which is cool. The electives for Soc...well, one of them I really want to take (and planned my life in order to make it work), the other fit into my schedule. Not so excitedabout that second one, but I think it will be a good one to take for my future plans (Society and Aging, fits with nursing), and I think I have the Prof figured out. Don't particularly care for her teaching style, but I hear that this class is better because it's her "area of passion"...we shall see.

So...the big thing going on right now...I've reconnected with a couple people that were (are) improtant to me, from early childhood. One of them I have not seen in around 37 years...keep in mind I just turned 41 this month! The other one I have seen twice in tat same time perod. There are two more to reconnect with...and I will be doing that in person in August...if not sooner in email. This is a HUGE thing...and I will write more and in more detail on the other place.

S

Long Overdue Update

I haven't posted for a while...no one has! School has been very busy, and other things have interfered as well.

I had the flu...it was very nasty and I am still dealing with the effects of it. Since I was actually ill in October...still having effects now is pretty dramatic. Please get the H1N1 vaccine if you are in any way able to!

School is going okay...a bit overwhelming, but it always is at the end of the semester. Currently I have a 2-3 page news analysis and a take-home final for Intro to Social Work, a 3-4 page (single spaced) research paper, a lab exam and a final for Biology, and my final paper for Sociological Methods Seminar, remaining to complete. The last one is the one that is the most stressful. This paper is for a semester long research project involving 8 hours of participant observation in a setting that I chose. The paper will be somewhere around 30 pages, with all the formal elements of a paper being submitted for publication.

I do want to say that I absolutely HATE my Social Work class! So...Jade, I will not be going into social work! :P I'm sticking with nursing as my end goal. I did go to a graduate school forum that people had to be specifically invited to. The invitation was based on GPA, and potential to succeed in graduate school. A faculty member had to submit students' names and then students were chosen to go. The forum was for all of CA and was at UCSC. While I was there I spent a lot of time talking with the Dean of Advanced Practice Nursing from UCSF. UCSF is now my first choice school. Cross your fingers everyone.

One last thing....

I have not heard from or seen any sign of a specific dear friend, her blog is even gone. Emails have gone unanswered, her cell phone is disconnected, and I do not have a land-line number. I am hoping a few of you will know who I am talking about, and maybe know something...she was friends with a few of you as well (Jade, Mamabeak, Kate). I am worried about her and miss her very much. I will be sending out an xmas card as I do have an address, but I would really like to hear from her, or at least know what is going on.

S