2010: Year in Review

This past year was rather interesting when I looked back through posts.

January began with a new addition to our family...Bags, an adult female kitty. She has turned out to be a very sweet kitty with a bit of grumpiness. She doesn't like the two boys, AT ALL. She growls and grumbles if they get too close to her...too close means she can see them! This grumbling will continue all day ...it's kind of funny really. Of course the boys get excited and want to play (chase) her when she growls, so it ends up being a self-replicating cycle. Other than that issue, Bags has settled in.

Also in January I began the second-to-last semester of undergrad. I believed it would be an easy semester and I was mostly right. Being a TA for an intensive science class with a lab was not easy! By March I was exhausted from all the work involved...not physically challenging work in any way...mentally challenging. The biggest challenge was dealing with a group of students that were younger on average than usual for the class. The reason for this is that due to the budget crisis in CA, the class was not going to be offered. When an increase in funding was given to CA public Universities, the class was immediately added to the schedule as it is a pre-req class for many health occupation programs. Unfortunately registration had already begun and juniors and seniors had both already completed both passes at registration...leaving only freshmen and sophomores able to register for the class...in fact...mostly freshman managed to get the class. So the class went from normal/average age of early to mid 20's down to 18. There is a huge difference no matter how many people (usual themselves 18) think otherwise! I spent much of my teaching time listening to whining and complaining, explaining why I would not give answers to lab exercise questions, and repeating at least 3 times a day that flip-flops were not allowed in the lab. Frustrating and tiring.

Prior to the start of the semester, I received a Happy Birthday wish on my facebook page. The wish came from a second cousin that I had seen a couple times (twice, literally) between the ages of 3 1/2 to 41. I had also believed, due to my mother's (intentional?) vagueness, that from an infant to 3 1/2 I had spent "some" time with her because my Great Aunt (her mother) took care of me " a little". The birthday wish sent a ripple of unnamed and unrecognized but painful feelings through me and the system...a bit odd considering I barely knew this person. The birthday wish also started an email dialogue between her and myself, and then between her eldest brother and myself. Turns out that taking care of me "a little' was actually I lived with them (and my mother) the first 4 months of my life, my mother moved out with me when I was 4 months, then at 6 months she dropped me off for a weekend visit that lasted 3 years, with no contact from her. One day when I was 3 1/2 she called up and said she would be there to pick me up in an hour, and then I didn't see them again aside from one visit when I was about 10 (for a couple hours, only the great Aunt and female cousin were there), and at the great Aunt's funeral when I was 27. Suddenly things began to fall in place and make sense. I spent my childhood waiting for my "real family" to come get me because there actually was another family that I spent my most important formative years with. I always felt like there were siblings missing from my life because I had 3 older "brothers" and an older "sister"...I wasn't wishing to have them...I DID have them, and I was taken from them. The reason I completely fell apart at my Great Aunt's funeral even though I hardly even knew her, was because she was "mommy". This was the person I had bonded with in early childhood, and this was the person that kept me safe during those important years. It's interesting to me that alter ages correspond with these events. We have an infant (around 6 months, possibly younger) and then there is a gap of no additional alters until about 3 1/2. At 3 1/2 - 4 there are MANY alters, but another important event within the system happened around that time also; the "original" went to sleep...she woke up this past year. Since January I have been developing a relationship with these lost siblings. It has been painful, and wonderful. In August we had a family reunion where I was reunited in person with all 4 of them, their spouses, and their children. I have 8 nieces and nephews ranging from 12-34 years old. One of my nieces is expecting her first child ( a girl) around Valentines day.

My partner informed me last spring that I should go ahead and apply wherever I wanted, she would move with me for grad school. This hugely opened up possibilities and widened my search for programs. After August, I began preparing applications for graduate school in nursing. I submitted three apps between October and December, with several more to submit through the coming spring. I am applying mostly on the East Coast, with one "Southern" school (Vandy in Tenn). The application process is grueling. I almost wish I was applying to some other type of program because I hear from people who have applied to others that they write one personal statement, and basically just change it a tiny bit for each app. My apps all require different essays! There are specif, different questions that each school wants answered. Very frustrating. Also...exactly how do I make myself stand out in 200 words!?! BLAH.

In September I decided to clean-up this blog, and at the same time, an issue regarding a 3d friend. The friend suddenly stopped answering emails, deleted her blog, canceled her cell phone, and stopped visiting our blog as well as others she regularly frequented. This was someone very important to the system as a whole, and individually. The really bad thing is that she had done this type of thing before...to make a long story short, I decided that this was her third strike...she's out. I can't have someone in my life that can do the kind of damage she did...especially when it is repeatedly done! Each time she did this, after a while, she would come back. We would work whatever the issue was out, and promises were made...only to be broken again. Note to anyone reading who does not get this...DO NOT promise someone that believes everyone will eventually leave that you will not, then leave! This is very, very bad! :P So anyway...its been well over a year and I do not think she will try to come back, but if by some weird chance she does, that bridge has burned...in fact, not even a charred skeleton remains.

The end of the year proved very stressful with school stuff being the primary cause of stress. My senior thesis being the biggest one of the school "issues" I had to deal with. I had several stress related physical issues...head aches, back pain, an almost panic attack (accomplishment...it was "almost") related to back pain, but I managed. I got everything in on time, I did two major presentations, I completed my research and then my paper, I made it to all my finals. I got 3 A's, and a B+. So now I have completed my BA, and I await grad school decisions.

I guess that is it for now!

Sera