We got our new bike! Thats really it up there! Took a seriously long time ta find the right bike. One that everybody likes. This is the one we kept comin back ta. We saw this bike in November and then a guy at another bike shop from where we saw this one told us that this bike was sold out everywhere and that the manufacturer wasnt makin it anymore. We drove by the place we saw it in December and didnt see it so we thought it was gone and kept lookin at bikes all over the place. So then a few weeks ago we went ta the store where we saw this one ta get somethin else and there it was! Its kinda hard ta tell in the pic but its black with silver flames and the flames are outlined in hot pink. Its a girls frame but I dont care cause its black with flames! A buncha the girls are stoked cause its got pink on it and its a beach cruiser. A bunch a others are stoked cause its black. We all kinda like that its so retro! So basically, it works for alla us without upsettin anybody cause it dont have somethin they wanted! In a couple weeks we are gonna get a basket for the handle bars...a black one. And yea...we are totally happy bout this!

J

School starts for the Spring semester in 5 more days. I think I'm glad, and not nervous too much...at least not nervous like have been in the past at the start of a semester.

Last semester apparently I was out only for school and school related things (study groups, papers, etc). It seems this was by my own choice, subconsciously, but my choice just the same. Time was really weird for me when I found myself out on my b-day...and for many days after that. More weird then "normal". That has mostly seemed to straighten out now. It was strange, and hard to deal with...but I think, worth it. I am feeling that my choice to not be out was maybe a wise one. Maybe it's better to lose the time and not be aware that you are lonely...that your friends don't have time for you...that the world really goes on just fine for everyone without your presence.

At school, there are people that are happy to see you, even when you can barely string together "good morning" at 7:15 am while getting your coffee. There are lab partners that seek you out as soon as you enter the lecture hall. Professors that thank you for asking a question or making a comment during lecture. People that wave or come up and ask about a paper or an exam while you are talking to someone else about some other paper or exam. Are they friends? No...not exactly. Although the lab partner may end up being one...and the woman from Social Psych last semester might too (she's off to grad school in the Fall though). What they are, are people to talk to, that miss you if you aren't there, that think you contribute something.

I came out on my bday...the 11th. I talked to one person online that day. Since then...I have talked to no one at all online. I've checked archives on messenger and no one else has talked to anyone since the 12th. No one at all. I've been online all day and most of the evening, everyday since then...visible on messenger most of that time too. No I'm not just sitting here staring at the screen...I turn the speakers up and go do something else...I think I've read somewhere around 35 novels! The entire shopping bag that R sent home with Warrier (I think) and then my neighbor has been letting me raid her shelves. But I am here and available and no one else is. I think it would be better to just go back to not being available again...in 5 days...that will happen.

S

Today...

...is my birthday. The body turned 40. I don't feel 40...I guess that's a good thing, most of the time. Definitely a good thing when I feel like I'm in my 20's...not so good when feel far younger than that.

Tonight we are going out to dinner with L, the neighbor/friend...hopefully I can eat. Been having some trouble with that.

S

Feelin very blah. Not much else to say...just blah.