So this past weekend sucked...really bad. D's sister called Friday afternoon and asked D to go to a town a few hours north-east of us to help her teach a class. D's sister is known for last minute stuff...and this was truly last minute...she planned on leaving at 430 am Saturday morning. D initially said no...I heard her on the phone say no. After she hung-up I asked what was up. D told me and said something about her sis being "Ms. Last-minute, no one has a life but her"...but I could hear in her voice that she felt guilty for saying no. So...long-story short...sis had to go, it's part of her job and had been scheduled for a couple months already...but she was afraid because she would be driving right into the middle of a circle of serious fires that are blazing right now. She has asthma and panic disorder, and was already feeling the panic coming. Sooo...D and I talked and I said to go, we will be fine, D will feel better (she would worry at home), and sis doesn't have anyone else local she could ask...or that would be willing. So D went. They left at about 445 am and we were alone.
Suddenly, not so sure we would be fine. We figured, well we can chat online with someone, go for a walk, do some house work, maybe have dinner with L (downstairs), do some reading (the library has become a favorite place). Sooo...we log online and there is no one on...all day there was no one. S-girl probably busy with summer research work for grad program, no sign of raine, no sign of psychperson, no sign of our sis-in-law. Other than those people, our messenger list have pretty much become non-existent...people have disappeared that we used to talk to...probably because our school schedule was pretty inflexible and they gave up on us. L didn't come home...not until late Saturday night...too late to even go chat a few minutes. We read two...yes I did say TWO...novels Saturday. Unfortunately, both of them ended up being triggering. One slightly, the other majorly...I'll talk about that elsewhere. We did get some house work done...the kind of stuff that can't be done during school...we cleaned out the closet in our bedroom! Major accomplishment...there were things in there we didn't even remember having...was like going shopping in our own closet. Probably everyone can relate to that but someone with DID may relate strongly! :P No going for a walk...too triggered...there was no way we were going out of the house.
By Saturday afternoon the loneliness was terrible and there was no way to alleviate it that we could see. No one to chat with, no one to call. Well...I suppose we could have called T but then what? Hey, we are calling because we are lonely? I don't think so! Majorly triggered happened too late to call...we have only called an on-call T once and that was during hours.
Anyway...we don't do well alone. That's pretty clear...at least to me it is.
W
Suddenly, not so sure we would be fine. We figured, well we can chat online with someone, go for a walk, do some house work, maybe have dinner with L (downstairs), do some reading (the library has become a favorite place). Sooo...we log online and there is no one on...all day there was no one. S-girl probably busy with summer research work for grad program, no sign of raine, no sign of psychperson, no sign of our sis-in-law. Other than those people, our messenger list have pretty much become non-existent...people have disappeared that we used to talk to...probably because our school schedule was pretty inflexible and they gave up on us. L didn't come home...not until late Saturday night...too late to even go chat a few minutes. We read two...yes I did say TWO...novels Saturday. Unfortunately, both of them ended up being triggering. One slightly, the other majorly...I'll talk about that elsewhere. We did get some house work done...the kind of stuff that can't be done during school...we cleaned out the closet in our bedroom! Major accomplishment...there were things in there we didn't even remember having...was like going shopping in our own closet. Probably everyone can relate to that but someone with DID may relate strongly! :P No going for a walk...too triggered...there was no way we were going out of the house.
By Saturday afternoon the loneliness was terrible and there was no way to alleviate it that we could see. No one to chat with, no one to call. Well...I suppose we could have called T but then what? Hey, we are calling because we are lonely? I don't think so! Majorly triggered happened too late to call...we have only called an on-call T once and that was during hours.
Anyway...we don't do well alone. That's pretty clear...at least to me it is.
W
9 comments:
well you know...........my phones work........ my T should work with you on being able to pick up that phone huh?
Yikes, what a rough ride you had! Sorry it was so hard, but glad it's past now. I hope the triggering didn't have lasting effects.
Sorry you had a difficult day :( I hope things are better now.
Donna
I am so very sorry that you had such a difficult time. Lately, sometimes for me writing on my blog helps and sometimes someone reads it and it helps me feel a little better.
sorry to read how rough things have been.
sorry your weekend was so hard (but i'm assuming that that particular bit of hard-ness is over with).
go you for cleaning the closet, too. i tend to bury myself in online games and whatnot when i'm having trouble coping. cleaning is a rather more functional choice, imo.
Just checking in to see how you are.
PS: that was me before who deleted the message. Had a TON of spelling errors!
I don't do messenger and I don't know if you find me trustworthy enough but you can email me at lilystears@gmail.com
I usually check my email daily, but sometimes not...so I'm not the most reliable person in some ways but maybe someone you could fall back on if this happens again.
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